Journeys in Silent Hill
by Urban Cowboy
Summary: What happens when a slacker gets thrown into the world of Silent Hill? Click here to find out! Warning: Has some suggestive inappropriate material inside.
1. The Magic School Bus

Journeys of Silent Hill

Prologue 

I ran as fast as I could to get away from the monster. I just made it inside the room when the monster collided into the door. I was safe. Or at least I thought I was until the _other_ monster inside the room killed me. "Dab nabbit! I knew I should have healed myself when I had the chance." I said.

I switch off the Playstation and stretched. The time was about 4:00 am so I thought I might as well get some sleep before school.

Some time later I woke up. It seemed that my mom failed to do the job for me. The time was now 6:20. My mom usually woke me up around 6:00 but for some odd reason she didn't. This was quite odd because she's always yelling to me about something like: "Earl do your homework", or "get to school on time", or "it's been 20 hours! Quit playing video games and go to sleep!" and finally "don't stick your fork in the electrical socket!" You know, boring, useless stuff like that.

Anyway, mom or not, I was going to be late for school unless I cut some corners. Some of the stuff was unnecessary to begin with, like combing my hair; you just wear a hat and poof problem solved. Except for some odd reason I've got all this white stuff in my hair. Next is showering. I don't really need to do it. I just spray myself with deodorant and it's taken care of. Breakfast is an easy thing too. After all, that's what hot pockets and pop-tarts were made for. Last but not least is clothing myself. I've noticed that many people don't really pay attention to what anyone is wearing so all I really need to do is just have three shirts and three shorts/pants. Not only is laundry day easier, but you also have to spend less cash. Whether you decide to change your socks and underwear is your call.

"Bye bro, later pops, see ya mom!" Nobody responds which is quite unusual for them as they wander around aimlessly trying to get ready for their jobs or whatever. I feel real sorry for them. They insist that they have to like, work and stuff to get this stuff called "money" to live. These peeps are too paranoid. They need to play GTA and chill out.

Outside is kinda cold with plenty of fog. Things don't improve much when I walk into a snowman. "Sorry buddy," I mutter. Only then does it hit me that it's snowing too. Something clicks. This isn't normal. "It doesn't snow on a Tuesday!" Well, I guess my mom had a valid point when she said I've been playing too many video games. This was a Friday.

But anyway, it really sucked that it was snowing though. I mean, here I am, wearing a tee shirt and shorts. I've never experienced snow before in Texas. Especially in the middle of May. Luckily, the bus came shortly after. The paint was faded, the windows and mirrors were cracked, and the brakes sounded like the pleading/screaming souls of the eternally damned. "I wonder when the mechanics had the time to fix it up." I said as I climbed on board. Inside I noticed that there was no driver or anybody else for that matter. Part of me said I should I get off right now, but on the other hand, this was probably going to be one of the only times when I wouldn't have to be driven to school by that white-haired-country-lovin'-wacko. I headed down the aisle and get into the one seater at the back of the bus. I'm the last stop so this is the first time in so long that I get to smoke a blunt in peace before school.

When I finally came to, I noticed that the bus is still driving. I look at my watch to see what time it was. Unfortunately, I couldn't because my watch was broken. I had to remember to beat up some little kid and steal his later.

While glancing though the window I saw a sign up ahead. It read "Welcome to Silent Hill." Several questions popped into my head like: what are we doing here? How long have we been driving? And the most important, where the Hell are the bathrooms because I gotta pee like a racehorse! I would have asked these questions, but there simply was nobody _to _ask. The bus was devoid of all life.

If I wanted to get off, it looked like I was going to have to jump out the window. Seemed simple enough. I mean, action heroes do it all the time in movies so how hard could it be? I was just about to do so when reality struck home. I would have to _walk_ all the way home afterwards and I sure as Hell wasn't about to do that. Silent Hill here comes Earl George McCoy!

Little did I know that there was a lot of …evil stuff to come. I think I would've been a lot better off had I went to my school instead- wait a minute! Who the Hell am I kidding? I got to miss algebra! Kick it!

Footnotes 

First off, I would like to thank you all for reading this. Second, I would like to say that even though this is written in a first person perspective, this is not a reflection of who I am. I don't do drugs or skip school. Thirdly, I'm sure that some of you have noticed that the writing style is not as intellectual as some of the other stories on this website. Rest assured I did this on purpose to get into the mind of (or lack of one) Earl George McCoy. That is all. See you next time in the adventures of Earl George McCoy!


	2. School is Hell!

Journeys of Silent Hill

Chapter Two

To School

The adventures of Earl George McCoy continue! Warning: This fan-fiction may be inappropriate to religious people, preps, Goths and others in future chapters. Enjoy.

The fog was thick, the snow was falling and the weather was still cold. Same grind, different meat. After awhile, the bus finally stopped and the door opened. I ran off the bus. I had to go bad. I ran into the best public restroom that the south (or at least I was pretty sure this was the south) had to offer, the alley.

There was a lot of garbage and stuff. And oh yeah, there was also a lot of blood sprayed on the wall. I walked along some more and all of a sudden, somebody turned out the lights. Sirens sounded too, you know, not those police sirens that are always chasing me when I'm driving hammered, but those air-raid sirens that go off when it's windy. I search into my pocket and pull out my lighter. Good thing I always come prepared. Just in case I have to smoke something or if for some odd reason the world is plunged into eternal darkness by some evil cult for some odd reason.

I kept walking when I saw a wheelchair on its side. I continue on until I see this one guy stuck on a fence. He's like, got his arms tied and nailed and his feet are nailed too. He kinda looks like a capital T. His face and skin is all meshed and bloody. This guy looks a lot like that dude in the Bible. You know, that one guy that gave people fish if they listened to him and fought against the Roman Noodles or something like that. I think his name was . . . shot, what was it, J-something . . . oh yeah, it was Jordan Christ.

"Damn, this guy could really use a band-aid." I said as I turned around. I tried to leave the area, but there is more fence stuff guarding the exit, I couldn't leave. I heard a shrill sound behind me and I turned around, wondering what Ashley Simpson was doing here singing, I gasped as I saw my worst fear ahead of me. They were circus midgets and they had knives! I noticed that I no longer need to go to the bathroom anymore and my pants felt wet for some odd reason.

I tried to run, but the midgets were on me, stabbing me. As my blood leaked out of body, one thought entered my mind, "I forgot to feed my goldfish."

I instantly woke up, jolting off the couch and hitting my head on the corner of a table pushed way too damn close to me. After saying a few choice curse words, I breathed a sign of relief; it was all just a dream. No alley, no circus midgets, no wet pants . . . I quickly check myself, damn, that part was reality. But other than that, I was okay. Needless to say though, I was still going to need some time to recuperate emotionally. I thought a month would do.

A sound of boots on the wood caught my attention. I turned my head and saw a woman dressed in a police uniform. She must be a stripper because no officer is that hot. I can tell you from personal experience. I also notice that I am in a diner of sorts. This is good because after getting stoned, it is essential to get something to eat.

"How are you feeling?" She asks, her arms crossing her chest.

Like I got picked up by a driverless bus, dumped into an alley, pissed all over myself, heard Ashley Simpson's singing, and then got stabbed, then woke up, hit my head on a table, and being questioned by a str- by a cop. But other than that, I feel dandy.

She gives me this weird look, like she things I'm crazy or something, (I certainly get those a lot) then speaks again. "My name is Cybil Bennett. What's your name?"

"My name is Earl, Earl McCoy."

Cybil nodded. "Earl, do you have any idea about what's been going on?

"Global warming. It's making all this cold weather come down here and all the people moved to like, warmer places only it's cold there too. I saw this sort of thing in "The Day After Tomorrow." I think we can solve it by stop drilling in Antarctica and by putting up a bunch of air conditioners there.

"What on earth would global warming have to do with- oh never mind." She paused as if in deep thought. I suppose she decided not to argue because she could not handle my superior intellect. I understood. Most people can't handle my brand of intelligence. "I'm going to go back to Brahams to report this situation. I'll come back with reinforcements." She nodded and looked back at me. "Are you coming with me?"

Under normal circumstances, I might have gone with her. But these were not normal circumstances. Besides, with ten ounces of weed on me, I thought it would be a good idea not to go. So I said no.

"Have you got a gun?" Cybil asked.

"Yeah, but it's at home." Usually I took one of guns to school to intimidate some of those wimps that royally piss me off. But I forgot it today.

She reached into her holster and pulled out a glock. "Take this and hope you don't have to use it." She handed me her gun and I'm like, it's like, so cool! This is the first time I got a gun willingly. Man, the last time was real hard. I had to beat up a rookie cop for it. Now I could shoot stuff again. She started yakking about stupid stuff like "safety" and junk like that.

"And don't go blasting me by mistake!" She concluded. She headed towards the door and started talking again. "I'm going to be back with reinforcements. Stay here. Oh, and one more thing, have you seen a big man around here? Tall, brown hair, just turned 32 last month?" I told her no. And with that, she was gone.

She was going to be back soon, so I had to do my work quickly.

(A few minutes later . . .)

I closed the cash register when I was done. After my looting, it was the least I could do. I now had a map of Silent Hill, one of those flashlights that you keep clip on to your shirt so you don't tie up your hands, a knife, two health drinks, and 40 dollars of cash.

I was looking for something to eat when I heard a sound something. It kinda sounded like a tapping noise. I turned to the windows and saw something that looked like a bird; only the body and wings were like, huge. And the beak. That shit looked well equipped for some major drilling. I think it was a chicken. The chicken left though, which was unfortunate because since this place seemed to be out of chicken, I decided to go get me some. My new pistol in hand, I advanced to the door. The radio went off.

At first I thought it was static, but then I realized that it was just another one of those third-rate rap artists that frequently populate MTV. I thought about shooting it, but then the windows exploded and the giant chicken came in. This was like South Park all over again! I shot the damn thing a few times and it finally fell down on a table. Dinner was served.

While cooking my chicken dinner, I realized that if these freaks of nature existed, then maybe those circus midgets are still there as well in that alley. I grinned as I headed out the door, ready to blast anything dumb enough to attack me.

(A few minutes later . . .)

I've been walking around for about 30 minutes now. I've shot so many of those damn chickens that Colonel Sanders is gonna piss his pants out of joy. I've also seen one of the worst parking jobs I've ever seen. Some loser crashed his jeep on Bachman Road.

Speaking of roads, the exits were all screwed up. Some of them were blocked by tons of crap and other roads just plain no longer existed period. It looked like I was going to have to find an abandoned helicopter or bullet train and leave just like in a Resident Evil game.

Soon, I'm back at the alley where I met those circus midgets. The bus was gone now. Damn, I guess I couldn't hot wire the thing out of here.

I walked down the alley until I saw the gate with the sign on it. I heard a growl behind me. I turned around and saw a dog that was missing a lot of fur. It was also missing a fair amount of skin. It was probably one of those Resident Evil dog rejects.

"Sit boy." I said as I aimed my gun at it's head at point-blank range. The dog leaped at my throat, it's fangs bared, ready to rip my throat out. It might have made it to if the bullet didn't blow half its brains out. "Good boy," I said as I lowered my gun. Oh yeah, I was real badass. I was about to go through the gate when I felt jaws on my ass. I said a lot of things that would probably not be well accepted in this wimpy pg-13 rating. But then again, I can't change the rating because I wouldn't get nearly as many reviews in the "R" section. I bit my tongue and shot the reject dog.

Shooting stuff was fun and all, but getting bitten in the ass kinda sucks. I also heard that dogs that bite you will give you rabbits or something like that. I couldn't tell because I was asleep. I also heard from my health class that having tons of sex would give you crabs, which is cool because then you can boil them and eat'em and have crab legs. Oh, I'm getting off track here. I was bleeding and I had to stop it. I went into my pockets and took out my health drinks. I popped the lid and drank the thing in one gulp. Instantly, my blood went back into my body, the wounds healed, and even the hole in my shorts was patched up! Man this stuff was better than chocolate milk and vodka!

I pushed open the gate and went in. The lights didn't go out this time, which was real great. Unfortunately, the circus midgets weren't there. The alley must have caved in or something like that. The wheelchair was gone, and the fence and all the other stuff. On the ground was some paper and a lead pipe.

The lead pipe replaced my knife and easily fit into my pockets, despite the fact that my shorts were smaller than the pipe. Since I needed to travel light, I figured that it was essential not to carry too many things at once; I decided to ditch the knife. I threw it over the wall. I thought I heard a scream. I decided to go back to the papers on the ground. One was the cover of a drawing book that had what looked like a bowling ball with what looked like worms coming out of each side of it. The other piece was a sheet of paper that had "to school" written on it.

And then I'm like "like Hell! That's what I came to this fog-laden Hellhole for! I ain't going to school!" I looked back at the ground and saw that there was a new note that read: "Let me put it this way, if you don't come, you'll freeze to death."

Hmm . . . freezing to death or going to school? That's a tough decision.

Footnotes

What will our hero choose? Will he make it there? And can you find these health drinks at Wal-Mart? All these questions and more will be answered soon. Hopefully soon, as my dead-end job prevented me from posting this chapter sooner! Good day!


	3. School is Hell Duh!

School is Hell . . . Duh!

Chapter 3

Intervention

There once was a man from Texas who got mediocre grades and in general, didn't really do much. This of course didn't matter. In the near future, this young man found himself about to be drafted in to the Vietnam War. Not that that mattered. His rich Daddy got him into the Texas National Guard. Such cowardice would usually get a man condemned for life, but once again, this mattered not. Later, this man would become political and run for president. Did he win? Heck no. But thanks to his friends, his Daddy's friends in the Supreme Court, and clueless morons in general, he was able to convince the public that he won. Where is this man you ask? Why he's in the White House, currently impersonating the 43rd president. But enough about "President" George W. Bush, let's go on with our story.

Disclaimer

Usually, this is where the writer says, "I do not own Silent Hill" and etc. So this is probably going to come as a surprise to most of you. I DO own Silent Hill. That's right, I am the producer and director of the Silent Hill video games. First of all, I would like to thank all of you for your support. Every copy you guys purchase keeps me one step away from working at some crappy job like Steak n' Shake (yes we have these in Japan too). I would also like to apologize for Silent Hill 4. You guys are right, the action was done well, but the plot just plain sucked. I wanted to tell everyone else on the project about this flaw but they didn't seem to want to listen. But anyway, thank you. And now, on with the story.

I left the alley on my way to the "school." I soon learned from the map that Silent Hill only has one school, which is an Elementary school. No High schools which is ultra cool. I could live here and stay at home and watch porn all day! Oh wait, I wouldn't have a TV. Damn, so much for that plan. But either way I had the slight problem that all the roads to the school were destroyed. This would be a problem. On the ground were two pieces of paper with words on them. Whoever was doing this is going to get into so much trouble for littering. Anyway, on one page was "doghouse" and Levin St." on the other. I guess that's where I'm going next.

A few minuets later . . .

All the houses looked the same. Luckily, there was the house with the doghouse. After I dispatched two of the rejects, I reached the doghouse and got the key taped to the roof. I unlocked the door and went inside. It was cold in here as outside. On the table was a first aid kit. Grabbing that I went down the hall, taking some pistol bullets. On this other table was a notebook. I decided to write down everything that had happened to me up to this point.

When I was done, my arm was very tired. I decided therefore, that the makers of this game should make saving a lot easier, like the typewriter from Resident Evil. I went to the back of the house. I learned from my map that from the back I could get to the school. There was just one problem. The door was locked.

"Who the Hell locks their doors from the outside?" I yelled as I eyed the three metal padlocks that barred my exit. I looked to my left and saw that, according to this map, I had to get three keys. I decided to screw that. With my pistol, I shot the locks off the door, unfortunately, I didn't think about getting shot myself.

You see, apparently bullets ricochet and, my arm got shot. I'm not going to include the four-lettered words I said. I had to heal myself now. I got out my first aid kit and then stopped suddenly. How was I going to "use" it? In video games, all a person had to do was press "use" on a certain health item and then everything would be healed, and all I would have to do with the health drink is just drink it. Wait! That's it! I think I have to eat the kit!

A few minutes later . . .

I helped myself to some root beer in the fridge. My arm was healed, but my stomach was really making me feel queasy. I think I should've taken the Band-Aids out first. Yeah, those things are totally not good for my carbs. I got up after a few minutes of rest. I had to get out of there as school was probably over by now and "The Simpsons" was going to be on soon. Time to go to the school to see what's going on.

I walked outside and instantly it got dark. "Night again?" I asked. "Must be part of that daylight savings time deal. And with that, I trudged on.

I ran for about a quarter of a mile. Nothing new really happened. Except that I shot more chicken and rejects, I found some more ammo, and my stomach was really, really giving me problems with the first aid kit that I ate. Maybe I should get a refund, I think the kit went past it's expiration date.

I ran past the bus that brought me here. For a second, I thought that maybe I could use it like those kids on the "Magic School Bus" did. Make it turn into a time machine or something to get me the Hell out of there. I got on and started singing the theme song. Nothing happened. I grabbed the health drinks off the bus. It looked like I was going to have to go to the damn school after all. Damn.

Footnotes

Once again, I would like to thank you for reading this and buying my video games. By the way, if you want a more serious look into the world of Silent Hill, I will be writing a novelization of Silent Hill 2. It will be coming out soon, about the same time as the update for this story. Which will be a lot sooner than this one did. Bye now.


End file.
